Radical Impact

Read this and apply at your own risk. I will not be responsible for any excesses and abuses of this important piece of research.

I didn’t do well in Biochemistry but this one thing I grasped – Vegetables are good for you. This is the foundation of my contribution to humanity – The Vegetable Theory. I believe that this ground breaking theory will revolutionarize your approach to food. The following are some of its tenets.

1. Vegetables are good for you. Cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, beans the works.. eat them and enjoy them…

2. Beef is good for you. This is because it comes from cows which eat grass – which is a vegetable. Meat is 1st generation processed vegetables.

3. Milk is good for you. Milk comes from cows, which eat grass – which is a vegetable which is good for you. I like to think of milk as liquified grass.

4. Fruit juice is good for you . Because it is made from fruits [seed pods] which are a form of vegetables [just like tomatoes, beans and so on].

5. Fries are good for you. Because they are made from potatoes which are vegetables. Fries are also good because they are fried with vegetable oil – which is made from vegetables which are good for you. I like to think of fries as potatoes fortified with seed extract.

6. Cake is good for you. It is made from wheat which is a vegetable. Sugar that is used for cakes is actually water taken out of vegetable stems – so it is also good for you. As you know, vegetables tend to be 80-95% water!

7. Ice Cream is good for you. It is made from cream, which comes from milk which as you have seen above is really liquified grass. Ice cream is also good for you because it contains sugar which is vegetable juice, which … you guessed it, is good for you.

There you have it – The Vegetable Theory. You are welcome to refer your cynics to this page for reference!